he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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