put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
