There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
