We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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