Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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