Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
