OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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