I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
