Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
