You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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