is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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