just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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