pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
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