It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
