oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
