I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How naked do you want me to be?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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