i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
