dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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