he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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