I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
