the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
