Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
