someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't think brook has ever known best
please come you make the beer taste better
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
