toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
