the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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