He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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