Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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