remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
