dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your tits are I can't wait for
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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