My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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