The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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