I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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