I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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