im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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