Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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