Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
