I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
