I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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