and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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