Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
