so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
