textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
