Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
