So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We talked him into tasing himself.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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