she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
