never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
