Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
