Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
