i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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