i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just want to make out with him forever
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
