He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
