Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
