he shaved USA in his pubs
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
