But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
