You're my little dorito
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
