): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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