See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
