I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
